


Space

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 14:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13859241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: Late In The Day tie-in.  Daryl’s POV.  When the reader pushes him away, Daryl struggles, making the decision to break away from the group and strike out on his own with his brother, Merle.  As time goes by, he finds himself replaying the past few weeks in his head, and resolves to repair his relationship with his girl before it’s too late.Late In The Day can be found at https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553421.





	Space

The trees provided little relief from the scorching sun as it beat down on the heads of the Dixon brothers as they picked their way through the forest, moving quietly, keeping their eyes peeled for any sign of animal tracks.  The need for food was ensuring Merle’s silence for now, something that Daryl was increasingly grateful for as he lost himself in his thoughts, trying to understand how exactly he’d ended up here.  He’d abandoned his group, his family, to strike out on his own with the only blood relative he had left.  He’d always put a lot of value in blood - as a Dixon, all you really ever had was other Dixons - but in recent months he’d come to learn that there was more to family than shared DNA.  Family was about trust, and sharing, and respecting each other, even when you didn’t agree on something.  He couldn’t say he shared any of those bonds with Merle, and yet something had made him turn his back on the people he cared about and walk away.  

If he was honest, it had almost everything to do with Y/N.  She’d been his person, the one he could depend on for everything, but recently she’d shut him out, started pushing him away, and he couldn’t stand being around her anymore.  The sight of her made his heart ache, not being able to go over and talk to her, maybe make her laugh, hold her as they both fell asleep, and he’d felt the chill of loneliness creeping into his bones.  The most frustrating thing was, he couldn’t quite figure out where it all went wrong, what he’d done to make her take a step back from him, and he spent the next few hours casting his mind back, trying to pinpoint if there was anything he could have done to have changed the horrible way they’d left things.

 

* * *

 

Daryl dropped to the ground beside the sleeping figure and tucked himself in behind her, nestling his face in the crook of her neck and feeling the soft lengths of her hair tickle his skin, as he wrapped his arm tightly around her waist, drawing her tighter against him.  She grumbled slightly in her sleep at the disturbance but settled quickly, her hand drifting down to rest over Daryl’s on her stomach, lacing their fingers together and sighing contentedly.  He smiled against her skin, pressing a soft kiss against her shoulder, careful to not let his scratchy scruff irritate her.  He’d been on guard duty, patrolling the fences of the prison complex they’d found, keeping an eye on the perimeter with his crossbow poised and ready to fire.  When Rick had come to relieve him, he’d felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him and knew it was time to get his head down, seeking out Y/N in their makeshift campsite so that he could wrap himself around her and inhale her sweet musky scent.  He felt a glow of affection for the girl pressed against him deep in his heart, and grunted in semi-amusement at himself.

Daryl Dixon didn’t cuddle, he didn’t let himself care about people, didn’t let them get close, and he definitely didn’t spoon, and yet here he was, unable to sleep unless he was curled up with the woman in his arms.  He wasn’t entirely sure how it had happened, except that she’d accepted him, everything about him, just as he was.  She hadn’t passed any judgement, hadn’t tried to change him.  She’d seen his potential, but she hadn’t once tried to push him out of his comfort zone before he was ready.  Y/N made him feel like he was more than the good-for-nothing redneck that he’d been brought up to be, she made him feel strong and protective, and he liked that.  Since Merle had been gone, he’d come to depend on her to get him through each day, but he knew the feeling was mutual, and so he could lean on her without worrying that she’d suddenly pull away, because she needed him just as badly.  He’d never had a best friend before, only ever really hanging around with his big brother and his mates, but he liked the security of having a person that was just his.  

He’d been feeling a little strange all night, replaying the way she’d shrugged him off when he’d come to sit by her round the campfire and refused his offer of help to get over to the sleeping area that had been set up, but, looking down at her peaceful face, he decided it had just been the result of tiredness and discomfort, knowing that the wound on her leg, cut on glass as he’d dragged her through a window and away from a ravenous herd of the undead, was still bothering her.  He closed his eyes, and the warmth of her skin soon lulled the archer to sleep, his soft snores blending with those of the other members of the group resting around them.

Daryl woke to the feeling of small hands against his chest, pushing him violently away, as Y/N mumbled, ‘Get off.  I don’t want you.’

Pain shot through him like an arrow at her words, confusion flashing across his face as he took in her distressed state, the violent tremors that were pulsing through her body and the sweat that trickled down her face.  

'Hey,’ he growled in her ear, trying to rouse her.  'Y/N, can ya hear me?  C'mon, answer me, girl.’

When she didn’t respond or show any signs of life other than her ragged breathing, he felt fear take a hold of him, spreading through his veins like ice.  'Doc!  Doc!  I need ya over here!’

The group began to stir at his panicked cries, and moments later Hershel was at his side, slightly sleep-dazed but his eyes were full of concern.  'What’s going on here?’

'I dunno, Doc.  She’s burnin’ up, and she’s shakin’.  She’s been mumblin’ but I can’ get 'er to wake up!’  

'Alright, give me some space here, Daryl.  Let me take a look at her.’

Daryl backed away, watching as the old man peeled the blanket back from her body, taking in her waxen skin and the heat emanating from her, immediately shifting to examine her injured leg.  As he reached for his knife and cut away the fabric around the wound, he muttered to himself, shaking his head in agitation.  

'This is infected.’

'Again?’  Daryl knew his voice sounded accusatory, but in his fraught state he couldn’t control it.  'I thought ya said that’d cleared up.’  He knew that Y/N had struggled to fight off infection when they’d been on the road, the doctor’s efforts hampered by limited supplies and nowhere clean to work, but eventually it seemed to have settled down, and she’d been okay.

'I thought it had.  I’ve been doing the best I can, son.’

Beth was at Hershel’s side now, grabbing his hand to tear his attention away from his patient.  'What do you need, Daddy?’

'The blue pack,’ the doctor instructed, gesturing over to where the group’s supplies were stacked up.  'There should be a bottle of antibiotics in there from that house we stopped off in behind the gas station.  There aren’t many left but it should get her through the night.’

'Get 'er through the night?’ Daryl spat out in shock, his eyes flicking between the old man and his daughter.  'Ya mean she might not-’

'We’ll do what we can, Daryl,’ Hershel reassured him.  'But we need more meds.’

Unable to help, unable to do anything to save his girl, Daryl paced frustratedly back and forth along the fenceline, chewing on his thumbnail until it bled.  He could see Hershel and Beth still crouched over Y/N’s forlorn figure, monitoring her progress now that they’d forced the pills down her throat and into her system.  He felt helpless.  At least with the walkers there was something to fight, something to put down.  This…  He couldn’t fight this.

'Hey.’  Caught up in his own thoughts, Daryl hadn’t noticed Rick approaching, but he halted in his pacing to turn towards the leader.  'You doing okay?’

Daryl grunted, his eyes flicking back towards the pitiful scene.  'I don’ know.  I jus’ wish I could do somethin’.’

'I know,’ Rick said, resting a hand on the archer’s shoulder.  'I know, it’s frustrating, but listen.  This is a prison, so it must have some kind of medical facilities inside, an infirmary or something.’

’S'true,’ Daryl nodded, cocking his head as Rick spoke.

'I say, at first light, we take a group in and we clear the place.  We’ll start with the nearest cellblock,’ he paused to turn and point in the direction of his intended target.  'Then, we’ll sweep through until we find it.  If we can find medicine and supplies, we could make a base here.  It’s protected, we can keep watch from the guard towers…  This is what we’ve been looking for.’

'First light?’

'Soon as that sun comes up.  You with me?’

'I’m in.’

As Rick left to make his way back to the rest of the group, Daryl turned towards the fence and weaved his fingers through the cool metal of the wire, leaning his weight in to it as he took deep breaths to calm himself.  He needed to get his head together if he was going to be in a fit state to help clear the building and, right now, it looked like Y/N’s life depended on it.

Footsteps approached from behind him, and a small hand tentatively rubbed over his back.  'Hey there.  How ya doin’ over here?’

Daryl turned to see Maggie, and leaned back against the fencing, letting it support his weight.  'When people are delirious, do they know what they’re sayin’?’  

'Erm, I think it depends,’ she hedged, trying to figure out where he was going with his question.  'Why?’

'She was mumblin’ when I first woke up.  She pushed me away, told me she din’t wan’ me.’

'Oh, Daryl,’ she reached out and squeezed his arm, giving him a sympathetic smile.  'Of course she didn’t mean it.  You mean the whole world to that girl, you must know that.’

'Thought I did,’ he grumbled, lifting his head to watch for the sunrise.  'Now, I ain’ so sure.’

 

* * *

 

He’d been so scared as he’d watched Hershel checking Y/N over, monitoring her pulse, forcing her to swallow the precious antibiotics.  Thinking back, Daryl knew that he’d been half-carrying her for most of the journey as she fought off one infection or another, the wound never quite healing and going away.  He should’ve known that at some point it would get worse.  It had been open for too long.  Perhaps that was why she’d turned on him, perhaps she blamed him for her getting hurt, and the worse she felt, the more angry she became.  He couldn’t hate her for that.  He’d spent enough time blaming himself.  What had he been thinking, trying to manhandle her out of a broken window?  He’d been trying to get her away from the walkers, he acknowledged.  A bite from one of those geeks would’ve been a hell of a lot worse.

Every time his mind wandered, it took him right back to her cell the day she’d woken up.  It had taken a lot of courage to finally go to her side, knowing that somehow something had shifted between them, a wall had come up that he just couldn’t fight his way through, but he’d never expected the mess of emotions that descended on him - the rage at the pity in her eyes, the anguish at losing his best friend, the confusion and emptiness as he walked away.  He’d felt completely bereft and that just…  It didn’t work for Daryl.   He’d spent his whole life shutting his feelings down, keeping a lid on them, and it had been her that had released them in the first place.  How ironic that she was now the reason for his regression.

Growing frustrated with their fruitless hunt, Daryl sighed, turning to his brother.  'There ain’t nothin’ out here but mosquitoes an’ ants.’

'Patience, little brother.  Sooner or later, a squirrel is bound to scurry across your path.’

'Even so, that ain’t much food.’

'More than nothing,’ Merle argued.

'I’d’ve had better luck goin’ through one of them houses we passed back on the turnoff.’  Daryl gestured back in the direction they’d come from, but Merle’s expression clouded over.

'Is that what your new friends taught you?  How to loot for booty?’

Daryl sighed again, trying a new tack, but Merle’s head was already full of conspiracies.  'We’ve been at it for hours. Why don’ we find a stream, try to look for some fish?’

'I think you’re just trying to lead me back to the road, man. Get me over to that prison.’

Daryl couldn’t deny that the hold the place had on him was strong, that every cell in his body was trying to pull him in that direction, back to Y/N.  'They got shelter, food, a pot to piss in. Might not be a bad idea.’

'For you, maybe. Ain’t gonna be no damn party for me.’

'Everyone’ll get used to each other,’ Daryl insisted, though he wasn’t stupid.  He’d seen the state that Glenn and Maggie had been in when they’d broken them out of Woodbury and knew his brother had played some kind of a part in whatever had happened to them.  It wouldn’t be as easy as just waltzing up to the gate and expecting everyone to be one big happy family.

Merle chuckled, his tone low and malicious.  'They’re all dead.  Right about now the Governor’s probably hosting a housewarming party where’s he gonna bury what’s left of your pals.’

Daryl took a deep breath to steady himself, unable to even entertain the idea that his brother’s words might be true.  If Y/N died because he wasn’t there to protect her, he’d never forgive himself.  She didn’t need him though, he reasoned internally, she had Rick and Glenn, and Carol.  The whole group was looking out for each other.  All he had now was his jackass brother.

 

* * *

 

For the next couple of days, whilst Y/N fought for her life, Daryl kept busy clearing out the cellblock, pausing only for long enough to carry her unconscious form in from the yard and place her gently into one of the bunks, leaving the other women to watch over her.  Things went from bad to worse when Hershel got bit and slipped into his own deep sleep, but Carl had taken it upon himself to seek out the infirmary and returned with a bag of meds, so at least Beth and Maggie were able to keep Y/N dosed up on antibiotics.  It was Maggie who came to him to tell him that she’d finally woken and was through the worst of it but, though the relief that washed over him allowed him to breathe properly for the first time since she’d woken him with her agitated mumbles, he still couldn’t bring himself to stop by and see her, in case she pushed him away again.  He knew he couldn’t cope with that, and so he continued to work with Rick, to do what needed to be done, ensuring that the group was safe and working on clearing out a space for the prisoners they’d found locked up in the kitchens.  

When he finally found himself outside the door of her cell, he just stood and watched her resting for a while, noting how some of the colour had returned to her cheeks, how she had turned in the bed to make herself comfortable, rather than lying flat on her back as he’d positioned her.  The sight of her, awake and obviously improving, calmed him, and he cleared his throat to announce his presence before delivering his good news.  'Doc’s awake!’

'Oh God,’ she sighed, as she twisted round to face him, her relief evident on her face.  'Thank you.’

'How ya doing?’  He stepped into the cell, debating where to sit but opting for the wooden chair that faced her, not wanting to perch on the bed and jostle her wound.  

'Better.  Maggie’s declared me officially on the mend.’

'Tha’s good.’  He chewed on his bottom lip, wondering whether to bring up her weird behaviour the night that she’d passed out, and deciding that he needed to for his own peace of mind.

'Look, D…’

'Y/N, did I miss somethin’?’   He couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice, and he could see the pity in her eyes as she listened to him, which stung even more than her pushing him away.  'I mean, one minute things were fine, 'n’ then ya don’ wan’ me to touch ya, or ya just don’ wan’ me.  I don’ even know anymore.’

'I’m sorry,’ she whispered.  'I just…  I think I just need some space.’

'From me?’

'From everyone.’

He chewed on his thumb as he processed her words, further aggravating the sore nail and tasting the coppery tang of blood on his tongue.  He’d got it so wrong, he berated himself.  He’d thought she needed him, when actually he must’ve been smothering her the whole time.

'Right then.’  He pushed himself up from the chair, deciding to give her what she said she wanted, though it killed him to walk away.  He closed his emotions off, knowing that he couldn’t let his weakness show, or else he’d see that pity in her eyes again and he wouldn’t survive that.  'Enjoy ya space.’

 

* * *

 

Merle inhaled deeply, announcing loudly, 'Smells to me like the Sawhatchee Creek.’

The brothers had finally agreed to find some water in the hope of catching some fish for dinner, but Daryl’s patience was starting to wear thin.

'We didn’ go west enough. There’s a river down there, s'gotta be the Yellow Jacket.

'You have a stroke, boy?’  Daryl felt himself tense up at Merle’s tone.  It had been a long time since anyone had spoken to him like that, and he wasn’t as placid about being treated like he was stupid as he used to be. 'We ain’t never even come close to Yellow Jacket.’

'We didn’ go west,’ Daryl explained, wrestling with his temper.  'Jus’ a lil bit south. Tha’s what I think.’

'Know what I think? I may have lost my hand, but you lost your sense of direction.’

'Yeah, we’ll see.’  Determined not to get into a fight about it, Daryl kept moving forward, his stride determined, on a mission now that he could see a food source within reach.

'What d'you wanna bet?’

'I don’ wanna bet nothin’. S'just a body o’ water. Why’s everythin’ gotta be a competition with you?’

'Whoa, whoa.’  Merle held his hands up in mock surrender.  'Take it easy, little brother. Just trying to have a little fun here. No need to get your panties all in a bundle.’

A cry cut through the air, disturbing the peace of the forest, and Daryl halted instantly, tilting his head to listen, trying to figure out which direction it had come from.

'Ya hear that?’

'Yeah, wild animals getting wild.’

Daryl held his breath, straining his ears to pick up the noise again.  'No, it’s a baby.’

'Oh, c'mon. Why don’t you just piss in my ear and tell me it’s raining, too?’ Merle scoffed.  'That there’s the sound of a couple of coons making love, sweet love. Know what I mean?’

But Daryl had already taken off running.

* * *

 

Daryl couldn’t sleep.  He’d taken to spending every night up in the guard tower keeping watch, knowing that it was useless to even try to get some rest without Y/N to cling to in the darkness.  He’d had nightmares, through his childhood and his adolescence, and they’d come back with a vengeance when the world had ended.  Only the feel of her in his arms, the scent of her surrounding him, fought them off, gave him a deep and peaceful sleep.  It was just one of the many things he missed.

He didn’t speak to anyone about it, didn’t speak at all unless it was a simple yes or no to a question or an instruction.  He knew the pain he was feeling would be evident in his voice, and he couldn’t take any of the others looking at him with the same pity that he’d seen in Y/N’s eyes.  Pitying Daryl was the easiest way to get his hackles up, to put him on the defensive.  Yeah, he’d been through a lot of shit in his life, but he didn’t need anyone looking down at him because of it, or because some girl had got him all messed up.  It was easier to just keep his head down, keep quiet, and keep busy.  He went out on a run with a few of the others to fetch the vehicles, feeling a small relief from the loneliness that wracked his body when he found that his bike was still where he’d left it, running as well as could be hoped once he’d topped it up with gas.  The ride back to the prison was the best he’d felt in a long time, the breeze against his face, nobody asking him anything, expecting anything of him.  He’d been tempted to just keep riding, to take off on his own and to hell with the others, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, to leave her.  What if she woke up one day and decided that she needed him again?  What if she ran into danger and he wasn’t there looking out for her?

And so, he returned to the prison, and he shut himself away, up in the tower, watching as the group went on with their lives around him and wishing he knew how to just pick himself up and carry on.  He’d done it before, when he’d lost Merle, but he’d had Y/N then.  He spent hours replaying every conversation, every interaction they’d ever had, trying to figure out what he’d done.  He knew he must’ve done something.  He wasn’t good with people, wasn’t good at making friends or keeping them.  He’d tried so hard with her, smoothing out his rougher edges as best he could, holding her as though she were made of glass, being whatever it was he thought she needed, but somewhere he’d gone wrong.  If he could just figure out what he’d done, maybe he could make things right.

He was up in the guard tower watching as Hershel practiced on his new crutches, swinging himself up and down the yard, as Y/N and Maggie broke off from the group to wander across the grass towards the fences, chatting amiably as they strolled.  He was glad to see that she was making progress, though he could tell that Maggie was bearing some of her weight.  Movement at the far corner of the building tore his attention away from the group, and he cursed under his breath as a crowd of walkers stumbled around the corner, heading for the doctor, Beth, Lori and Carl in the yard.  He let out a panicked shout to alert them to the danger, raising his rifle and taking aim but there were too many for him hold back alone and, though Beth had managed to help the old man to safety, the kid and his mom had quickly found themselves surrounded.  He saw Rick appear over the other side of the building, fighting against the locked gate, unable to get through to protect his family, as Carl stepped in front of his pregnant mother, shooting desperately until he ran out of ammo.  Maggie crossed his line of vision as she sprinted across the field, firing wildly at the gathering undead and clearing a path, guiding Lori and Carl back towards the building.  

He spun back round to see where Y/N was, his heart twisting in fear as he watched her limping slowly back towards the yard, alone, sending bullets into the brains of the nearest walkers before throwing her gun to one side, the chamber empty, and pulling her knife from the holster on her hip.  He had to help her, had to come to her rescue again.

'Y/N!’ he shouted, raising his rifle again and training it on the approaching corpses.  'Run!  I’ll cover you!’

He saw her nod, taking a moment to prepare herself, before breaking into a run.  He knew she must be in pain, and found that he was holding his breath as he prayed that she’d make it back to the cellblock before her leg gave out on her.  He fired again and again, watching the bodies drop around her, and then she was falling too, tumbling to the ground as her leg proved too weak to carry her any further.

'Shit.’  He continued to shoot for a moment, waiting to see if she’d get back up, but she remained sprawled on the ground.  'Goddammit!’

He abandoned his post, taking the steps of the tower three at a time, and skidding round the corner to see that she was covered in walkers, clawing and grasping at her, as she tried desperately to hold them off.  The terror that clenched his heart was icy, and he almost froze, but he forced himself to keep running, pulling his knife from his belt and plunging it into the nearest skull, tossing the monster aside, and moving swiftly on to the next.  Clearing the crowd, he finally made it her side, yanking the corpse on top of her off and punching his fist straight through its face, wiping his hand on his trousers, and reaching down to haul Y/N to her feet, half-dragging her away from the incoming undead.  When they reached the yard, he balanced her carefully against the wall of the building and moved in front of her, shielding her with his body as he picked off the last of the walkers in the vicinity, only turning to face her when he was certain they were safe.  She’d slumped to the ground, her face pale and slicked with sweat, her eyes wide with shock.  

'Y'alright?’

'I’m fine.  My leg just wasn’t ready for the whole running for my life thing yet.’

He nodded, and turned back to survey the chaos around him, unable to look at her anymore in case he should crumble and pull her into his arms.  Seeing her this vulnerable was killing him.  He was glad of the distraction when Rick appeared from across the yard, closely followed by Glenn and the two surviving prisoners.  'What the hell happened?’

'Someone cut the bolt on the gate,’ Rick explained.  'Let the walkers just wander right on in.’

'Shit!’  Daryl lashed out, kicking the wall, before raising his weapon again and spinning on his heel to face the two convicts.  'Which one o’ you two assholes came up with that bright idea?’

'Hey man,’ the larger one began, but Daryl wasn’t ready to hear his excuses.  His gaze kept flicking back to the injured woman on the ground, enraged that anyone had put her at risk when she was still so weak.  

'We shoulda killed all of y'all as soon as we found ya.  Goddamn convicts!’

'Daryl.’  Rick reached out to him, trying to halt his angered pacing, but a piercing alarm cut through the air before he could say anything else.  

Y/N’s shout brought him back to her side, as she struggled to push herself to her feet, staring round wildly in search of the source of the noise.  

Glenn was pointing to the numerous speakers mounted on the side of the buildings and around the yard, but Daryl was already ahead of him, calculating the damage that this could do, how many more walkers this would attract.

'How do we stop it?’ Rick turned back to the prisoners, and Daryl could see that his anger was finally starting to mirror his own.  

'There are back-up generators in the electrical compound,’ the blonde one, Axel or something, offered, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.  'Guess someone might’ve fired them up.’

'Show us.’

Rick grabbed Axel by the back of the collar and made towards the nearest set of doors, his gun raised and pointed at the inmate’s back, whilst Glenn followed close behind with his weapon aimed at the other inmate.

'C'mon,’ Daryl heaved Y/N against his side, taking her weight.  He knew she would slow him down, that it was stupid to take her along with him, but he couldn’t risk leaving her there on her own. 

He half-carried her back into the prison, knowing that she was trying to support her own weight, but he felt her falter every now and then, tightening his grip around her waist to reassure her that he had her, that he was still there for her.  He could see that she was completely drained, that she barely had anything left to give.  He kept her close as they entered the compound, supporting her as she grew heavier, leaning on him more and more, his muscles straining to keep her upright.  The only time he relinquished his hold on her was when he passed her over to Glenn so that he could go to Rick’s aid as Andrew wrestled him to the ground, but as soon as the threat was dealt with, he wrapped his arm around her waist again, wanting to be the one to support her, craving physical contact with her and taking whatever he could get.

As they left the block, a little way behind the others as he’d slowed his pace, acknowledging that she was hurting badly, Rick’s howl of anguish caused his stomach to knot as he watched his friend drop to the ground, doubled over in pain.  Maggie was standing in front of him, a newborn baby clutched tightly in her arms.  She was drenched in blood, and Carl, beside her, had splashes of red across his face.

'Oh God, Lori…’ Y/N murmured beside him, and Daryl felt her start to sink to the floor, readjusting his grip on her to keep her standing, and twisting her so that she could cry into his shirt, raising his other hand to stroke soothing circles against her back, focusing on comforting her as she sobbed to distract himself from the horrific scene before him.  His heart broke for the little boy.  He’d lost his mom when he was young too, he knew how it felt, and he knew it would haunt Carl for the rest of his life.

 

* * *

 

As Daryl broke out of the trees, he could hear the snarl of walkers, lots of them, and his eyes tracked the source of the noise to the bridge that crossed the river.  He could see a car parked up in the middle, the baby’s cries growing louder and more distressed as the rattle of gunshots sounded.  He immediately began to make his way towards them, crossbow raised, ready to step in and come to their aid.

'Hey, man, I ain’t wasting my bullets on a couple of strangers that ain’t never cooked me a meal or felicitated my piece,’ Merle ranted from behind him, though he was following his brother along the treeline.  'That’s my policy. You’d be wise to adopt it, brother.’

Daryl shook his head, losing the last shred of respect he’d had for Merle.  If Merle had been with him, he probably wouldn’t have stepped in to help Y/N when he’d found her at the side of the road, and rescuing her had proved to be one of the best things he’d ever done.  He jogged ahead, hurrying to reach the family before it was too late.  When he made it up onto the bridge, two men were standing on the bed of a jack-knifed lorry, surrounded and shooting wildly at the corpses that grabbed at them.  In the car that he’d seen from down beside the river, the cries were joined by a woman’s panicked shouts in Spanish, as walkers pounded at the windows.  

Daryl leapt into action, taking out two of the undead straight away with arrows fired from his bow, before extracting one of the sharp points from a mangled skull and plunging it through the face of an approaching corpse.  From where he was standing, he could see a walker crawling in through the back of the car, dragging itself towards the screaming child, and he fought his way towards it, turning back just once to see Merle standing and watching as those around him battled for survival.  

He finally reached the vehicle, jamming the butt of his bow into the head of the monster clawing at the window and smashing its skull against the glass in an explosion of gore.  Dropping his bow to the ground, his wrapped his hands around the hips of the walker that was stretched out across the backseats, wrenching it backwards, until only its head was left in the trunk, and slamming it shut, crushing its brains and ending its quest for food.  He continued to fight, dropping corpse after corpse, noticing that his brother had finally had the good grace to take down one of the geeks that was getting a little too close to one of the other men.  Drawing his knife from his belt, he stabbed it through the head of the last walker, tossing it off the side of the bridge and leaning against the edge, watching as it hit the water and floated away.

 

* * *

 

Daryl sat on the stairs below his perch, watching over the sleeping group, antsy after the day’s events and still unsure of Rick’s decision to let the convicts move in to the cellblock.  He didn’t like the way that they looked at the women, and he was painfully aware that Y/N was in her cell alone.  He’d almost asked her if he could crash on her floor, wanting to stay as close as possible to keep her safe, but he’d chickened out, and now, there he was.  He’d felt her softening towards him today, seen some of the old affection in her eyes, felt that maybe by coming to her rescue while things were so bad between them he had proved himself somehow.  Holding her when she’d fallen apart over Lori had given him a sense of purpose that he hadn’t had since she’d asked him for space.  His purpose for too long had been to protect her, to keep her going when she felt like giving up, to be there for her, and the attack had given him a way to do that again.  Tearing himself away to go on a run for formula for the new baby had been almost impossible, but, as always, he’d done what was expected of him, and he’d returned with Maggie, successful, to give Baby Grimes her first feed.  He’d glanced up during his attempts to lift the group’s spirits, the little girl cradled against his chest, to see Y/N’s eyes fixed on him, a warm smile painted across her features, and he’d felt a thaw set in, his loneliness easing just a little.

'Hey.’  A voice came from the darkness, disturbing his thoughts, and he looked up to see Y/N wandering over, her hands twisting together nervously.  'Mind if I sit with you for a little bit?’

He tried to remain nonchalant, unwilling to get his hopes up, though the fact that she’d sought out his company could only be a good sign.  He shrugged, leaving the decision of whether to sit or not up to her, but felt elation wash over him as she continued to limp in his direction, making it a little way up the stairs before dropping down on one a couple of steps below him. 

'Tha’s my shirt,’ he observed, taking in the dark plaid that covered her arms, wondering if she’d been wearing it at night since she’d asked him to leave her alone, wondering why his scent would still comfort her if she didn’t want him in her life anymore.

'I know.’  She pulled the sleeves down, fiddling with the cuffs and avoiding his gaze, so he changed the subject.

'How come yer not sleepin’?’

She sighed.  'Mind’s a little too busy tonight, I guess.  What about you?’

He could relate to that, but he wasn’t ready to let her in on his innermost thoughts so he gave his other reason.  'Rick invited those two convicts in, ain’t sure they can be trusted.’

'So, you’re going to keep watch all night?’

'Yer in a cell on yer own down there.’  He saw the realisation that he was watching over her spread over her face, her mouth quirking up in a smile, before her default frown returned. 

’D, I’m sorry.’

'What for?’

'Everything.’

He had so many questions, but a part of him was still so scared of the answers.  What if there wasn’t just one thing that he’d done that had caused her to distance herself?  What if she found everything about him wanting, thought he’d fallen short in every way, and just wanted to be free of the burden of him?  Hearing that from her lips would damn near kill him, and he couldn’t handle that after the losses they’d suffered already that day.  

'Tell me 'bout yer family,’ he rasped, bringing the subject back to safer ground.  

'My family?’

'Yeah,’ he nodded, chewing at his thumbnail.  'When we was goin’ to the CDC, you asked me 'bout mine, but you ain’t never said nothin’ bout yours.’  

He wasn’t sure if he was even really interested.  He didn’t put much importance in anything from before, be it family, careers, lifestyle.  The apocalypse had knocked everyone down to their base levels and that was what really mattered to him, who people were now.  But he liked listening to her speak, liked the varied tones in her voice, the slight Southern twang to her words, and the way her expressions moved so fluidly over her face.

‘Oh.’  She paused for a moment.  'It was just me and my folks really.  My Dad was a farmhand, and my mum worked in the town library.  I never had any brothers or sisters so it’s always just been the three of us.’

'Yer close?’

'We were.  We never had much, y'know, money was always kinda tight.  They saved their whole lives to send me to the school I wanted to go to, and I know they went without to make sure I had what I needed.  But we were happy, I guess.  We got by.’

'What happened to 'em?’

'They got bit, both of them, really early on.  I sat with them as they got sick, watched the fever burn them out, and then I ran.  God, I ran so fast and so far I thought my legs were gonna fall off.’

'Ya didn’t put 'em down?’

'Couldn’t.’ Daryl saw the tears glistening in her eyes and cursed himself for the tactless question.  'I went back, a couple of days later when I’d worked up the courage to do it, but somebody had already raided the house, and they’d done it for me.’

'Musta been hard.’

'It was the hardest.  I was on my own after that.  I just kept moving until…’

'Until ya met me.’  He already knew she’d been on her own when he’d showed up in her life, big and brash, probably scaring the hell out of the poor girl.

'Yep.’

'Goddamn, you were a lil bitch to me on the road that day.’  He smirked, shaking his head at the memory of their first exchange.  She’d been a little bottle rocket of sass and snark on one hand, and a trembling ball of vulnerability on the other, and he’d felt the deep urge somewhere within him to keep her safe.

'You were being an ass, Dixon, and you know it.’

'What else was I spose’ to do when I jus’ done saved yer ass and all I get is attitude?’

'Whatever, you only saved me cos you were sick of your brother’s damn company and wanted a buffer.’

'Maybe,’ he confessed, wondering if it had really been that obvious that that had been one of his motivating factors in dragging her along with him.  He supposed just meeting Merle would have made it pretty clear.  'Was still the best thing I ever did though.’

'Me too.’  She was smiling at him, lost in the fond memories they’d shared, and it reassured him that maybe he hadn’t just been holding her back as he now thought.  'Following you, I mean.  I did hate your brother though.’

As silence fell, Daryl’s thoughts drifted to his brother, and his voice shook slightly as he asked, 'Ya think he’s still out there?’

'Merle?  I’m almost positive.  He’s a stubborn bastard.  He won’t let himself get killed until he’s gotten his revenge on Rick and…’  

'And T,’ Daryl supplied, knowing she couldn’t bring herself to speak the name of one of their missing comrades.  T-Dog and Carol had been missing since the walkers had stumbled in, but getting supplies for Judith had had to be the priority, and it had been too dark to go in search of them when he and Maggie had returned.

'Yeah, and T.’

‘We’ll find ‘em, Y/N.  Tomorrow when it gets light, we’ll get outta here and find ‘em.’

The sombre mood lightened as Y/N’s face lit up, a big grin twisting her features into something so pretty that Daryl felt his breath catch in his throat.  It had never been like that between them – if anything she was more like a little sister to him – but sometimes he believed she was the prettiest thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

'How’d you get so good with kids, anyway?’

'What?’  The question took him aback, and he narrowed his eyes at her, wondering where it had come from.

'You with that baby!  I never would’ve believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.’

He snorted, shaking his head as he pulled at a loose thread on the knee of his ripped-up jeans.  'Merle knocked this chick up, gotta be 'bout twen'y years back now.  Left 'er high an’ dry.  I used to go over 'n’ help 'er out sometimes, try to give 'er a break, y'know.  Whenever he wasn’ around, I’d stop by, see if they needed anythin’.’

'What happened to them?’

'Moved away when she got a new fella.  Never heard from 'em again after that.’  A phantom pain jabbed at his heart as he remembered the his nephew, his chubby little arms reaching up to wrap around Daryl’s neck, the taste of the boy’s mother’s kisses before he’d walked from her away to preserve his relationship with his brother.  It had hurt when they’d left.  He could’ve visited or stayed in touch, but he knew she’d been trying to build a better life for her son, and it wasn’t something he could stand to watch.

A cry went up from Beth’s cell, and her gentle voice could be heard murmuring to the baby, singing quietly to lull her back to sleep.  It only enhanced his memories, and he fought to bring up his armour again, to push the emotions down.

When Y/N turned back to him, he took in the dark shadows beneath her eyes and knew that she must be exhausted, though he hated to send her away.  'Ya should get some sleep.’

'Yeah, you’re probably right.’  She pushed herself to her feet and walked down the stairs, turning back to him when she reached the bottom.  'Thank you for today, Daryl.  You saved me, again.’

There it was again, that hint of affection, like it had been before, and all he could do in response was nod, not finding his voice until she was halfway across the room and out of earshot.

'I miss ya.’

 

* * *

 

As soon as the walkers had been dealt with, Merle had sprung into action, approaching the car and yanking open the door, beginning to rifle through the family’s supplies.  Tempers were fraught after the fight, and Daryl knew that he was going to have to act quickly to stop anyone else from dying.  He’d raised his crossbow to his brother’s head, ordering him out of the vehicle and waiting for the panicked group to get in and drive away, before turning his back on the older Dixon and stalking back into the forest, retrieving his arrows as he went.  

‘The shit you doing, pointing that thing at me?’ Merle raged as he followed him into the trees. 

‘They were scared, man.’

‘They were rude is what they were. Rude and they owed us a token of gratitude.’

‘They didn’ owe us nothing.’  

‘You helping people out of the goodness of your heart?  Even though you might die doing it?  Is that something your Sheriff Rick taught you?’

‘There was a baby!’  Daryl turned to his brother, unable to believe that he could be so cold and callous.  

‘Oh, otherwise you would have just left them to the biters, then?’

‘Man, I went back for ya.  Ya weren’t there,’ the archer snapped, finally addressing the underlying reason for the tension that had been building between them since their reunion.  ‘I didn’ cut off yer hand, neither.  You did that, way before they locked ya up on that roof, ya asked for it.’ 

‘Y’know… y’know what’s funny to me?  You and Sheriff Rick are like this now, right?’  Merle held up his crossed fingers in front of Daryl’s face.  ‘I bet you a penny and a fiddle of gold that you never told him that we were planning on robbing that camp blind.’

‘It didn’ happen.’ 

‘Yeah, it didn’t 'cause I wasn’t there to help you.’

‘What, like when we were kids, huh?  Who left who then?’

‘What?  Huh?  Is that why I lost my hand?’ 

‘Ya lost yer hand 'cause yer a simpleminded piece of shit.’ 

‘Yeah? You don’t know!’  Merle grabbed at the back of Daryl’s shirt as he turned to walk away from him, tearing the fabric away to reveal the faded scars and welts that covered the younger Dixon’s spine, staring in horror at the brutal marks.  ‘I… I didn’t know he was-’

‘Yeah, he did.  He did the same to you. Tha’s why ya left first.’  Daryl shrugged his backpack over both shoulders, trying to hold up the ripped shirt to cover his old wounds, before continuing on his mission, pacing determinedly over the leaf-littered ground.

‘I had to, man. I would have killed him otherwise.’  Realising that Daryl wasn’t stopping, Merle’s voice become desperate.  ‘Where you going?’

‘Back where I belong.’ 

‘I can’t go with you. I tried to kill that black bitch. Damn near killed the Chinese kid.’

‘He’s Korean,’ Daryl spat at him, finally pausing to turn back to his brother.  

‘Whatever. Doesn’t matter, man. I just can’t go with you.’

‘You know, I may be the one walking away,’ Daryl’s voice cracked, but he carried on, not caring for once that his emotions were on show, because he’d finally come to a decision that he knew was right.  He was going home to Y/N.  ‘But you’re the one that’s leaving, again.’

 

* * *

 

The group’s search of the lower levels the following day had only brought them more grief.  They’d found just enough of T-Dog’s body to identify him, and a scrap of fabric from one of Carol’s shirts that had led them to believe she’d met the same fate.  Aside from Y/N, Carol had been the one other person in the group that Daryl felt most comfortable with.  She was naturally maternal, caring for him in a way his mother had never been capable of, and knowing she was a victim of abuse herself meant that he felt comfortable around her, understood.  She’d flirt with him sometimes, enjoying the way that the tips of his ears would redden and his words would become grunts as he searched for an excuse to leave the conversation, then she’d laugh at him affectionately and ruffle his hair.  She was a good lady, and her loss hit him like a bullet.  With Y/N still needing her space, he felt like he’d been left with no one.

He’d just knocked together three rustic crosses from some old sticks and erected them in a quiet corner of the field, when he felt a warm hand slip through the crook of his elbow.

'I’m sorry, Daryl,’ Y/N whispered, her voice thick with tears.  'I know she meant a lot to you.’

'They all meant a lot to all of us,’ he replied, his body tense as he waited to see which way the conversation would go.  Y/N had been cold with him that morning, as if their conversation in the darkness of the night hadn’t happened, and it had left him feeling agitated.

'They did.’

‘I really thought we’d find ‘em,’ he admitted, knowing it was stupid to have hope these days.  That was something he’d gotten from Y/N.  Even when things got tough, they tried to keep each other optimistic.  If they didn’t have hope, what did they have?  He remembered saying that to her back in the early days, before they joined the quarry camp, and she’d repeated it to him like a mantra whenever things got bad.

After a few moments of silence, he felt her squeeze his arm and then she was standing in front of him, her face sincere and full of concern.  'Y'know I’m here for you, right?’

He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.  After weeks of barely speaking, of her making him feel like he was offending her just by sharing breathing space, now she wanted him to know she was there for him.  Where had she been when he was sitting alone in the guard tower, berating himself for losing her?  Where was she at night when he was forcing himself to stay awake so that the nightmares couldn’t get to him?  He pulled away from her roughly, stepping back and feeling the rage burn through the grief that had chilled his insides.

'Why now?’ he shouted, shocking even himself with the venom in his tone.  'Why the hell would ya be there for me now?  Thought that ain’t what you wanted no more!’

'Daryl.’  Her face fell, and she moved towards him again but he was lost to his anger now, and even she couldn’t reach him.

'I don’t need ya pity, I told ya that before.  Ya can’t jus’ push me away with no explanation then decide ya wanna be there for me!  I don’t need ya!’  He shoved past her, noticing that he’d drawn an audience with his yelling.  'I don’t need any of ya!’

He ran off, his heart pounding in his ears, not knowing where he was headed, but needing to get away.

Of course, Carol had been alive.  He’d found her down in the tombs shortly after his outburst, trapped in a cupboard, weak and malnourished, but alive.  He’d carried her back into the cellblock like the hero that Y/N had always claimed him to be.  The look on Y/N’s face when she’d seen him with Carol had been one of admiration and wonder, the way she used to look at him before, and a sickening guilt flooded through him at the thought of how he’d spoken to her.  He’d wanted to speak to her about it, to apologise, but he needed to do it alone, and he didn’t get a chance as yet more drama kicked off.  A mystery woman had shown up at the prison, bringing news of Maggie and Glenn’s abduction, and the next time he spoke to Y/N, it was to fill her in on what was happening, receiving an icily cold shoulder in response.

'Who died?’ she’d snapped when he’d climbed the guard tower to find her, interrupting his silent debate as to whether he should try to say sorry for the way he’d spoken to her.  The sharpness of her tone stung, and he felt himself closing down, putting up his defences, not able to let himself be weak when the group was depending on him. 

'No one, yet.’

'Well, something bad must have happened if you’re here talking to me, because you made it pretty clear this morning that you didn’t want to do that.’

'She’s come from some town up the road a ways.’  He jumped straight to the point, eager to get away from the hostile atmosphere surrounding them.  ‘Reckons they’ve got 70-odd people there.  S'being run by some crazy guy or somethin’.  They’ve got Glenn and Maggie.’

'Why?  What do they want with them?’

'How the hell’d I know?’  He felt frustrated at her assumption that he’d have all the answers, and stupid for not having them, making his tone as aggressive as hers was.

When she didn’t respond, turning her gaze away, he pushed himself up from the railing and made to walk off, before turning back to her, feeling obligated to tell her that he was leaving, hoping it might force her to show some concern, but she was tougher to crack than that.

'We’re goin’ over there: me, Rick, Oscar an’ Michonne - tha’s the new girl.  Reckons she can show us the way.  We’re gon’ bring our people back.’

She nodded, but didn’t turn to look at him, and so he left, tramping disheartened down the stairs, before locking his thoughts away, mentally readying himself for the challenge ahead.

 

* * *

 

Merle had caught up with Daryl after their argument, falling into step beside him without uttering another word.  The tension between them was different, having aired their historical grievances, and, though the silence was far from companionable, it felt like they were at least on the same side again.  Daryl for his part was single-mindedly set on getting back to the prison.  Now that he’d made the decision, he felt even more ridiculous for walking away in the first place.  He’d let his hurt and anger combine into something toxic that tainted his choices, and now he was determined to put things right and get back to his real family.  

As they walked, Daryl went over multiple scenarios in his head, coming up with a million different ways to apologise to Y/N, to put things right between them.  If he’d been too clingy, he’d back off; if he’d been too angry, he’d chill out; whatever he’d done to drive her away, he swore to rectify it.  He missed her so much that it was a physical ache in his stomach, and the nearer he got to the prison, the more his need for her intensified.  He knew that he just needed to see her smile, to hold her in his arms, and the mess that his brain had become would be straightened out.  He just needed to make things okay and he’d be able to breathe again.  Life these days was short, you never knew when your number was going to come up, and he didn’t want to waste another moment away from her side.  When he could see the roof of the guard tower peeking above the tops of the trees, he took a deep breath and felt a slow smile spread across his face.  He was going home to see his girl, his best friend, and he was going get her back, no matter what it took.


End file.
